Dear Weary Mom,
If we were sitting down for coffee I would tell you how hard this motherhood thing can be, in ways I never imagined. I would be honest and tell you that, if you’d asked me what I wanted to do when I ‘grew up’ – being a mama never made the list. I think there were moments where I wanted to be a ballerina, an astronaut, a famous author living in a fabulous apartment in New York City, but never a mother. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t around a lot of little ones growing up, so I just assumed that I had no maternal instincts.
Dating, getting engaged, getting married – none of those life events changed my heart about wanting to me a mom. I wanted to travel. I wanted to stay up late and go wherever I wanted and not think about being so…needed…all the time.
And then suddenly, the season of “all of our friends are getting married” turned into the season of “all of our friends are having kids.”
Even then, we weren’t struck with the baby bug. Did I love and adore my friend’s kids? You know it. Did I think my niece was the best thing since Nutella? Without a doubt. Did I think I was capable of being a good mom myself? Nope. But God had other plans.
In ways only God can orchestrate, our hearts changed. We looked at our friends and these amazing children and started to think “Maybe we want that.” And, in God’s perfect timing, we were blessed with our daughter. And our lives changed forever.
This motherhood thing is hard, mama. My heart has been broken repeatedly for this little life. I doubt, daily, that I’m doing it – any of it – the right way. I have healed from life long insecurities and developed new ones all at the same time. Sometimes, the countdown to bedtime starts after breakfast.
We don’t walk this motherhood road alone, sister. We will have impossibly hard days and unbelievably beautiful days. And in every moment in between, we walk hand-in-hand with the Creator of the universe, our God who knew before we did that we would be mamas to these kiddos. He believes in you – and so do I.