For a season of my life, God gave me the opportunity to travel for work. I have to admit, I loved it. The introvert in me is perfectly content to sit by herself in a busy airport, people watching and drinking a latte from Starbucks while I wait for my plane to board. I loved the adventure, exploring new places, meeting new people. I was able to speak and share and use my gifts in a way that felt like ministry for the first time in my life.
But it wasn’t easy.
For the last several years I’ve struggled with quite a bit of anxiety. The nights leading up to a big trip would be sleepless, my brain running through packing lists, “what ifs,” and worrying if I was really good enough to be doing what I was doing (I wasn’t, actually. But God was faithful.) The 4am wake up calls to get rides to the airport for 6am flights, traveling all day for 2 nights away from home – it was hard on my body. I missed my family, I missed out on special moments, and re-entry was always a battle. My brain would struggle to switch from work mode to mama-mode and it would take me a week to recover from a few days of fake-extroverting.
I loved the work. I was honored that God would say “yes” to the opportunities. The chance to connect with people I would never have met otherwise is a gift I’ll cherish forever (especially since so many worked in publishing and now I’m praying my book proposal off into their world.) But when God closed the door on that role, He called me home.
For awhile I mourned the loss of those opportunities. I fought some wanderlust as the days blended into one another and I stared at my computer screen, wondering what would come next. A community I loved went silent on me, and I missed little things, like being part of book launches and having new books show up unexpectedly on my doorstep. In their minds, I wasn’t in a position of importance any longer, but to God, I was in exactly the position I most needed to find myself in, in this season.
I was home.
Home to serve my family and not miss those important moments. The Thursday night dance parties and the Saturday afternoon snuggles. I didn’t miss Madi losing her first tooth and I won’t miss her first day of kindergarten in the fall, or her soccer practices, swim lessons, or birthday parties with friends. I’m able to spend time cooking dinner with my husband, having coffee with friends, and pouring into the people God has placed right here in front of me.
His answer to my prayer for the next season of work has been beautifully unexpected and wildly generous.
Maybe God is calling you somewhere that feels unexpected. The changes we’ve gone through as a family over the last several months weren’t entirely by choice, but God was faithful through it all. Let God lead you to the new place so you can be most effective, for His glory. Whatever you’re afraid to lose by taking that first small step of faith will be replaced by blessings beyond your expectations. Whether God is calling you home, calling you to step out, or calling you to finally do the thing He’s put on your heart for so long, trust His call. And then go.
This is lovely Crystal! Your grace, humility and thankfulness in the midst of challenge is inspiring to me as I face my own set of possible career/life transitions. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
I love the courage in all of this, Crystal. The stepping out, the stepping back, which ever way we are dancing it is all the same, a brave and faithful trusting of Him. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share it. <3
Crystal, I’ve launched 4 (so far) and the quantity of time with your family is something you’ll never regret. God knows; God sees. Thank you for this encouragement that small may be precisely where God wants us. <3
I know a little bit of what this feels like. I have had God change the seasons when i wasn’t sure I was ready or that it was what I wanted – but I’ve seen Him do REALLY amazing things.
Love this and love your blog site is beautiful
Many thanks, Crystal, for sharing and encouraging! SO glad you’ve heard and followed God’s call; you are undoubtedly right where He’s called you to be. I especially appreciate your words that have gone straight to my heart “Whether God is calling you home, calling you to step out, or calling you to finally do the thing He’s put on your heart for so long, trust His call. And then go.”
To this I must say ‘Yes, Lord, I’ll go!’
And maybe, your new calling is the home and family you’ve always wanted and the peace.
Oh my goodness…THIS: “Whatever you’re afraid to lose by taking that first small step of faith will be replaced by blessings beyond your expectations. Whether God is calling you home, calling you to step out, or calling you to finally do the thing He’s put on your heart for so long, trust His call. And then go.” Thank You!
Beautiful, Crystal. Hard but beautiful. I’m so glad God meets us in the hard places so He can turn them into beauty. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. Love it.
I am so grateful to have met you at Declare a few years ago, but I am also happy that you are where God has placed you at this point in your life. Wonderfully written and thankful you shared this with your readers.
I also needed to read this today. Very encouraging and knowing that if I am “willing” He is able! God bless you Crystal!
God bless you, too, Debbie!
Your words mean so much this morning…I’m in a weirdly same/different place with a baby boy and a girl who’s now in all-day 1st grade, and I’ve struggled with what that means exactly. (Besides being home most of the time when I’d often rather be out among people. I’d just been thinking about going back to work when he surprised us.) 😉 But God is good…and He’s showing me slowly and giving the gifts in ways I hadn’t expected. This made me miss you…I hope there’s another coffee and a long chat somewhere in our future. Blessings and hugs, friend. Thank you for this. 🙂
Mel! I miss you, gal! Hoping for that coffee and hug sooner rather than later. xoxo
Crystal, this is so encouraging. I’m in a season of feeling stuck and conflicted. How do I parent well and grow as someone who wants to serve others through writing? It’s a constantly changing target. Some days it feels impossible.
Ah, friend. I get it. Stay faithful where God has called you and know that if growing and serving as a writer is something God is leading you to, His timing will be perfect – even if it doesn’t feel like you get to do it all the way you wish you could right in this moment.
Thank you, Crystal. Needed that today. Trying to make decisions about this year and it helps to be reminded God calls me to be faithful in the everyday. The non-glamorous. Perhaps delays for (even God-given) dreams aren’t to frustrate but to prepare us?
I think that’s exactly it – those delays just mean we can rest and grow and trust that God continues to prepare the path.
Love you! You are exactly where God needs you for now – with plenty of adventure ahead!
Love you too, gal! xoxo
Your words are a balm that I needed today. So much is behind me but that doesn’t mean there isn’t beauty and wonder ahead. Thank you for your encouragemt and many blessings to you in what’s ahead!!
Yes, girl! Keep moving forward! God isn’t done yet 🙂
I love this so much Crystal! It is a dangerous and wonderful thing to say YES! to God when it goes against what the world sees as important. So.etimes the yes is quiet, sometimes it’s accompanied by tears but He always, always honors the yes. Maybe not in the ways we imagined but always immeasurably better. I love seeing your journey unfold-it is inspiring and makes me hopeful for where my yes may someday lead!
Thank you Susan!
Thank you, Crystal. As I am entering a new phase, this was the encouragement & reminder that I needed.
Praying for that new phase and excited to see what God has planned for you! xoxo