For a season of my life, God gave me the opportunity to travel for work. I have to admit, I loved it. The introvert in me is perfectly content to sit by herself in a busy airport, people watching and drinking a latte from Starbucks while I wait for my plane to board. I loved the adventure, exploring new places, meeting new people. I was able to speak and share and use my gifts in a way that felt like ministry for the first time in my life.
But it wasn’t easy.
For the last several years I’ve struggled with quite a bit of anxiety. The nights leading up to a big trip would be sleepless, my brain running through packing lists, “what ifs,” and worrying if I was really good enough to be doing what I was doing (I wasn’t, actually. But God was faithful.) The 4am wake up calls to get rides to the airport for 6am flights, traveling all day for 2 nights away from home – it was hard on my body. I missed my family, I missed out on special moments, and re-entry was always a battle. My brain would struggle to switch from work mode to mama-mode and it would take me a week to recover from a few days of fake-extroverting.
I loved the work. I was honored that God would say “yes” to the opportunities. The chance to connect with people I would never have met otherwise is a gift I’ll cherish forever (especially since so many worked in publishing and now I’m praying my book proposal off into their world.) But when God closed the door on that role, He called me home.
For awhile I mourned the loss of those opportunities. I fought some wanderlust as the days blended into one another and I stared at my computer screen, wondering what would come next. A community I loved went silent on me, and I missed little things, like being part of book launches and having new books show up unexpectedly on my doorstep. In their minds, I wasn’t in a position of importance any longer, but to God, I was in exactly the position I most needed to find myself in, in this season.
I was home.
Home to serve my family and not miss those important moments. The Thursday night dance parties and the Saturday afternoon snuggles. I didn’t miss Madi losing her first tooth and I won’t miss her first day of kindergarten in the fall, or her soccer practices, swim lessons, or birthday parties with friends. I’m able to spend time cooking dinner with my husband, having coffee with friends, and pouring into the people God has placed right here in front of me.
His answer to my prayer for the next season of work has been beautifully unexpected and wildly generous.
Maybe God is calling you somewhere that feels unexpected. The changes we’ve gone through as a family over the last several months weren’t entirely by choice, but God was faithful through it all. Let God lead you to the new place so you can be most effective, for His glory. Whatever you’re afraid to lose by taking that first small step of faith will be replaced by blessings beyond your expectations. Whether God is calling you home, calling you to step out, or calling you to finally do the thing He’s put on your heart for so long, trust His call. And then go.