They didn’t mean anything negative when they said it. When the bought the cards and said the words, it wasn’t because they were being hurtful. Some of them didn’t even know to say anything differently. But I was surprised at the sadness I felt.
It’s a sensitive topic, and one I rarely write about. In fact, there is a blog post that has been living in my draft folder since 2010 that is so tied to my heart I physically can”t click “publish.” This may have been my first Mother’s Day to celebrate with my sweet daughter in my arms, but it wasn’t the first one I celebrated. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks about it this way, but the second God chose me to carry a child, I became a mother. And the sweet little one that went to Heaven much too soon in November 2010? Oh I celebrated being that one’s mommy. Mother’s Day 2011 was bitter sweet – I was pregnant with our daughter but still missing the one we never got to meet.
Oh here come the tears.
We may never have had the opportunity to hold our first baby, but for as long as that precious child was alive in me, I was mommy.
So to comment on how great it must feel to celebrate my first Mother’s Day? Well. This first isn’t really a first. And you have no idea how sweet it is to wake up and give our girl a big snuggle, basking in her smiles and giggles. God has truly blessed me. And to our dear first little? One day, little one, you’ll get an eternity of snuggles with mommy. We haven’t forgotten you.
Lisa says
You are right Crystal a mom is a mom from the get go. I was a mom long before and many times prior to when I was able to actually hold my little one in my arms. Thank you for sharing.
Diane Bailey says
I have two grandchildren, in heaven, that I’ve never met. There is a place in my garden with a plaque. People think its pretty, but it is a memorial to the two we have waiting for us in heaven.
Diane Bailey says
I didn’t know it would be that big!
Amy says
And now I have tears. Mother’s Day is hard for so many people for so many reasons. Layers and layers of emotions and experience make it one of the most personal days to “celebrate” publicly. I think I’m hypersensitive to it after so many years of what I perceived to be insensitivity. Thanks for writing this.
MB@NewLifeSteward says
I’ve never experienced a miscarriage. I agree though that you become a mommy the moment your child is conceived. If we believe life begins at conception, then so does mommyhood. Thanks for sharing.
Mary Beth
Crystal says
Leah, thank you so much for your comments, for once it’s a topic I really wish others couldn’t relate to. One day we’ll have that celebration!
Leah says
Yes. Thank you for putting this into words so honestly. You’re not the only one who thinks and feels this way. I adore and cherish my son and daughter, and I long for the day when I can “meet” and hold my two babies in Heaven. A bittersweet post, but yet full of hope as we look forward to the day when our families will be complete. God bless you today!