Hey.
So, here’s the thing.
The reason I’m scared about real life community but love my online community? I carry the scars of real life rejection by women I thought would be friends for life.
This isn’t the sadness of a friendship that comes and goes with the seasons, always picking up where it left off. This is the gut wrenching, comes back and punches you in the face when you least expect it, doubt inducing rejection that stings and makes you want to hide under the covers wondering what you did wrong and where you hid the chocolate.
It came out of nowhere in college, set off – by of all things – a gift exchange. It happened again later that same year, a season of loneliness, told by a roommate that my Christian beliefs and her Catholic beliefs meant that I wasn’t going to heaven. And later when lives simply didn’t intersect any longer and my heart broke after hearing the things that were said behind my back. Or being told that I’m straight up an awful friend.
Online I can distance myself enough, edit, play up the voice I want people to hear, pretend that those scars don’t cross over my heart deeply. It has taken me a long time to forgive some of those hurts. The pain of rejection has formed insecurities in my life that don’t, however, allow me to forget. I wish I could. Oh how I wish I could wake up and bravely walk into new situations and open myself up to a community with no fear. But as with most things that I’ve given to God to use for His glory, the enemy uses those scars to try to convince me with each new opportunity that I’m not good enough. I’ll be rejected again. I’ll be alone and I might as well just stick with what I know.
God says otherwise. In Colossians 3: 12-14 we read:
“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” (MSG).
This is the truth I have to remember, when the enemy starts reminding me of what I’m not. God tells me who I am, as a new creation in Him. His vision for me is more wonderful than anything I can imagine, and all I have to do is love. Get out there. Encourage others in community who carry the same scars and fears. Love them. And loving others is what community is all about, isn’t it?
Hey Michell! Thanks so much for stopping by – isn’t the (in)courage community amazing? It gives me hope & healing from the scars, and makes me so happy to have wonderful women stop by & comment, like you just did 🙂
Awesome post Crystal! I dropped by from (in)courage btw! 😉 You have shared what ALL of us have felt at one time or another in our adult lives. Thanks for sharing, may more people read it! I’m loving this community thing…this is how friendship with other women should be…sharing with and encouraging each other to do US well!
Oh the risk is SO worth it, especially when we know we don’t walk the scary paths alone 🙂 Thanks for following!
Catherine, thank you for those encouraging words! See you in October!
Becky – so looking forward to meeting you in October!
Erica – praying healing over your heart this morning. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this 🙁
Dana, your comment just blessed my heart – thank you! I’m so glad you stopped over from (in)courage!
Hi, really enjoyed reading this. Hopped over from (in)courage. Really… your post might be my fave out of this crew. 🙂 Love how you share your heart. Thanks. 🙂
Blessings!
Here, you have shared my heart in a way that I am not yet healed enough to do! Blessings to you for that!
Why do we say hurtful things to one another? I hate the scars that you have to bear, because I know them well. But I’m learning that the ones who have been hurt and taken those hurts to the Healer are the best kind of friends to have. This just makes me want to meet you more! Can’t wait to meet you at Allume! 🙂
{Melinda} This morning, I was praying and realized how much of the way I minister to others comes from the hurt I’ve experienced. What Satan meant for evil God turned around and used for good. Much of the pain I’ve experienced as a mom is what has motivated me to reach out to moms to meet their needs. Community is always scary. But the risk is worth it. Even if we get a few wounds along the way. We know the Great Physician, right? 🙂 Following your blog now.
It sounds like some hard issues that you are dealing with. Past hurts always affect our trust. Even after we’ve forgiven we have to learn to trust again, and trust God again (which is more important by far). As we trust Him, leaning into the fact that He has already borne our sins AND our sorrows, and will be there to do so in the future, we venture out on faith–not that people won’t let us down again–but that God won’t abandon us even in the midst of hurt. We venture out believing that God has called us to this messy business of community for His glory and our good. http://www.asweforgivebook.com . Grace and peace and see you at #allume!
lol thank you for making me laugh today! that’s an awesome plan 😀
Thanks so much Jennifer, I’m so blessed that you stopped by today!
We all have those scars, I know they hurt and thank you for sharing I know they hard to write about!!!
I’ll hold your hand! And we can be insecure, together! Can’t wait to meet you online friend/roomie/not a psycho serial killer…
Crystal, you are not alone with these fears. I hear it over and over again. Women fearful of others because of rejection and being exposed to more pain.
I wonder if Jesus ever felt rejected? Did he feel the sting of false accusations, gossip and betrayal?
Sister, be encouraged by Jesus. He knows and understands your pain.