I tossed and turned for three sleepless nights as my mind wrestled with a big decision. I prayed, analyzed the options, made lists of pros and cons, talked to trusted friends, and yet? There I was again. Another sleepless night with a heavy heart and no clear answer. The good parts were equally good and the hard parts were equally hard. It felt impossible.
And it was. It was a change in the course I’d been assuming God had for me, and I didn’t know how to process it. While my prayer in those early morning hours was for a simple “choose path A,” God answered me in other, more subtle ways.
Where I desired a quick answer, God gave me a slow refining. The decision would be made, but in the meantime? Oh there were things God knew I needed to see about myself. He knew I needed to face some big fears and insecurities, and He knew I needed to learn to trust the hearts of those around me, to truly believe that He had put people in my life who were FOR me.
I needed to believe that God was for me, too. That no matter how hard the decision felt, it wasn’t happening because He was done with me, but because He had plans to use a new season in a new way. My heart wasn’t ready to move on from the very comfortable position God had placed me in, but He had prepared me to take a new step onto an unknown path.
And then God reminded me of the story of Nehemiah. Nehemiah, who felt so unsettled in his soul about the destruction of his home town that he risked his life to ask the king for permission to go and rebuild the walls of his city. With God’s favor his request was granted and he and a team of men began to rebuild what had once been destroyed.
They all started out doing the same work.
But when opposition came and Nehemiah needed to refocus and realign his workers, half the men worked and half stood guard. Both important positions, and both necessary. But I wonder if any of the men looked around and thought their job wasn’t as important? I wonder if the guards felt left out of the building process – they were behind the scenes now, where success looked like a quiet, uninterrupted day, where before they could point at their section of the wall when the work was done and say “I did that!”
I don’t think they did – but I think I might have.
Will you join me over at (in)courage today to read the rest?
