I don’t know that I’ve ever had dreams to change the world. I remember going through a phase as a child where I was passionate about saving the wolves – I think it was mostly because of the cute stuffed animal I received when someone sponsored an endangered animal in my name. I also had a thing for unicorns, dream catchers, Precious Moments figurines, and Beanie Babies – none of which had any impact on the world around me other than creating very confusing bedroom decor.
But there is something stirring inside me – not yet identified – a passion to do more. To be more. To find a purpose and a story that will change the lives of those who hear it because of what God will do through it. But it’s unfamiliar, this territory. In the every day weariness of work and motherhood and … I forget how to dream, sometimes. I wonder if there is anything significant I can do living in a small town that isn’t named Nashville or Austin, where I struggle to connect with other bloggers or even explain my job. I wonder if my one big dream has already happened, and now it’s someone else’s turn.
And then God whispers a gentle “wait” in my ear. He can and will use anyone, anywhere, for His Kingdom. In His time. When I focus on what everyone else is doing, where they’re going, the stage they stand on, I feel insignificant and wonder where the opportunities will come from. But when I lean deep into God’s heart for me, the comparisons fade away and He reminds me that if we all did the same thing, in the same place, at the same time, there would only be a lot of noise.
It’s hard, this place of waiting. When your heart is sure of something more but your mind doesn’t know the path. I’ve never felt more unqualified to do anything for the Kingdom than at this place in my life. I grasped onto grace a few weeks ago when I stumbled over the words to explain Easter to my toddler. But I’m choosing, even in the unknown, to believe that what I do know and where I am is important; that God isn’t done with my story yet; and that He will continue to open doors & give me big dreams as long as I’m willing to say “yes.” To make this my “Isaiah” moment:
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:
Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?I said:
Here I am. Send me.And He replied:
Go!”{Isaiah 6:8 HCSB}
Let’s be women who say – even without knowing how or when or why – “send me.”
As always Crystal, beautifully expressed. You’re reaching more people than you know right here on this blog. One of my teachers told my late last year that I was impacting more than I realize. It’s the same with you. Just keeping allowing God to use you and keeping doing what you do. Thank You, Father God, for using Crystal and blessing us as well as her. Praise YOU, amen.
How thrilling, to know that the Lord is stirring you! And what a feeling of safety, to know that He is with you every step away. He grants the dream and then gives what is needed to fulfill it. Looking forward to seeing where this leads!
<3 And that's the first step. The step where He smiles big, takes your Hand, and says "Come on!". I can't wait to see where He takes you and the places you stop for a dance with Him.
I love this. I have the same feeling where my heart knows there is more but my mind doesn’t know the path. Praying for your journey!
Oh I love your heart friend!! I can’t wait to see where God will take you on your journey! 🙂