Grasping Grace

I don’t know that I’ve ever had dreams to change the world. I remember going through a phase as a child where I was passionate about saving the wolves – I think it was mostly because of the cute stuffed animal I received when someone sponsored an endangered animal in my name. I also had a thing for unicorns, dream catchers, Precious Moments figurines, and Beanie Babies – none of which had any impact on the world around me other than creating very confusing bedroom decor.

But there is something stirring inside me – not yet identified – a passion to do more. To be more. To find a purpose and a story that will change the lives of those who hear it because of what God will do through it. But it’s unfamiliar, this territory. In the every day weariness of work and motherhood and … I forget how to dream, sometimes. I wonder if there is anything significant I can do living in a small town that isn’t named Nashville or Austin, where I struggle to connect with other bloggers or even explain my job. I wonder if my one big dream has already happened, and now it’s someone else’s turn.

And then God whispers a gentle “wait” in my ear. He can and will use anyone, anywhere, for His Kingdom. In His time. When I focus on what everyone else is doing, where they’re going, the stage they stand on, I feel insignificant and wonder where the opportunities will come from. But when I lean deep into God’s heart for me, the comparisons fade away and He reminds me that if we all did the same thing, in the same place, at the same time, there would only be a lot of noise.

It’s hard, this place of waiting. When your heart is sure of something more but your mind doesn’t know the path. I’ve never felt more unqualified to do anything for the Kingdom than at this place in my life. I grasped onto grace a few weeks ago when I stumbled over the words to explain Easter to my toddler. But I’m choosing, even in the unknown, to believe that what I do know and where I am is important; that God isn’t done with my story yet; and that He will continue to open doors & give me big dreams as long as I’m willing to say “yes.” To make this my “Isaiah” moment:

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:
Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?

I said:
Here I am. Send me.

And He replied:
Go!”

{Isaiah 6:8 HCSB}

Let’s be women who say – even without knowing how or when or why – “send me.”