Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker and the Five Minute Friday group today.
Here is the truth I’m living right now.
I just co-hosted a live webinar about eBook writing and spent all my time off camera coughing and wondering why it’s taking me so long to write a book.
I have a topic, one I’m passionate about. I have an outline, the start of a proposal, and enough feedback to tell me I could do it.
But then I see another tweet from a brilliant author about another blogger and I suddenly believe that I shouldn’t bother. No one “famous” is telling the world that I’m great at what I do. No “big blogger” is sharing my post and sending it into a viral frenzy. I’m not being missed, asked for, invited. I am, however, apparently wearing my whiney-pants.
My words just sit here. Pedestrian. Without proper sentence structure, flair, proper grammar or punctuation. It’s been nearly five years since I started this blog and the truth is? Even though I SHOULD write and tell you that I don’t care about any of those things – the sharing, the viral posts, the praise – the truth is? I do care. More that I would like to admit to you if “truth” weren’t the word-of-the-week. And I’m too much of a rule-follower to edit this and not tell you the truth.
The truth is? I work a lot of jobs and I don’t spend enough time responding to comments here, or on Twitter, or looking at friend requests on Facebook. I feel like I’m involved on those spaces because I read through the conversations on my phone but forget to take the time to actually comment. I’ve become the definition of a lurker and I don’t know what to cut out to feel like I’ve got time to “do it right.”
The truth is? I don’t know how to write a book about community when I feel alone.
It’s liked you climbed into my head and spoke the words only my pillow has heard. Thank you.
There comes a time, I think, when we HAVE to silence all the Facebook and Twitter, regroup, and do what we do best in the real world. Because honestly, I think sometimes those spaces make me feel more inadequate when I start comparing my life or writing to others. I don’t have a big important blog. Write that book. Take the time and silence what you need to. Your voice is needed. One only has the capacity to do a few things well and the social media frenzy…well, is just that. It gets the brain going in all sorts of directions, and can hinder productivity. Choose what you want to do well, and do that. Go girl!
Yes, what she said, and what she said, and what she said! Isn’t it something how our perceptions of one another are so very different than what reality is for another person? I so look up to the work that you do, your heart, your thoughts. I’m sure you don’t know it – but you are a role model to me in so many ways with your writing, blogging, etc. I yearn and long for community in so many ways – online and in real life. Thank you for being so vulnerable — it gives the rest of us the courage to do the same. Blessings to you.
Oh Crystal, I read your post and see the numerous comments and think… what difference will another comment make and so often I am the lurker, reading, soaking in, but not bothering to interact because “who needs what I have to say?” But you bless me every time we do connect and I know that the reason I feel so alone sometimes is because it takes time, and it takes effort and it takes risk. Thank you for risking with truth today! Can’t wait to read your book some day soon! It’s gonna be stellar!
Oh girl… I am tellin’ ya – as I live in my own skin this week and battle some very similar thoughts… and read through so many of these FMF posts I truly belive the enemy has been at work on us all as of late! Girl – you do community… you do real… you are a light and a much needed voice and whatever you write about, I will read… I will learn from… and isn’t it just like the enemy to overplay his hand and reveal that while you are called of God and gifted to write about Community – he has tricked you into feeling all alone! Press through… we’ve got your back! No one else can say it like you… and we are waiting to hear what He has laid out on your heart! Write on!
Gotcha! That makes a lot of sense. See you were even in the video and you missed out on the beach! It’s so funny the things we just assume with a cursory view of something, making ourselves feeling less included. I guess there’s a lesson to learn in there somewhere!
I never would have guessed.
Your genius.
Your brilliance.
All radiate through your presence here.
Do the thing that you fear.
It is amazing how so many of us share the same self-doubt and fear.
I second ALL Alia is saying and third it and fourth it again. Oh how I love your heart Crystal Stine! You matter so SO much to me…xo
Oh! Yep, I was in that, but they like to keep me in land-locked states like Arkansas & PA 😉 That was me being a goof for an hour at Allume last year, talking about (in)couragers. No beach..just a blizzard..in October…
Lol maybe i’m just confused. I’m talking about the (in)RL video/simulcast thingy that kept showing clips of all of these pretty girls at the beach and sitting on the couch drinking coffee together and stuff. I thought you were in that but maybe I remembered wrong? Or maybe there were two separate filming locations?
Okay, feeling super silly now!
I still feel better though!
I can so relate to this. Thank you for your words of truth this morning. 🙂
oh girl! that trip to arkansas? first..i adore you for calling it the beach house, but it was no vacation 😉 it took me a week to recover from the non-stop work/brainstorming/presenting/overwhelming amount of interaction for an introvert. No peons in this space, friend. Even playing field and enough seats for everyone 🙂
So glad, @Aprille {beautifulinhistime.co. I am so thankful that it spoke to you. God be praised for that goodness!
Crystal, thank you for this post. I look up to you a lot and it’s nice to see that people I see as “bigger bloggers” (like you – who got to go to the beach house with the incourage gals and I didn’t…just sayin I struggled with jealousy over that one!) struggle with insecurities of not feeling big enough and noticed and all of that. Most days I feel like a peon compared to people like you. Nice to know we are all in this together.
Life sounds quite overwhelming… May the Lord immerse you in His grace, love, and peace. May He speak His sovereign words of faith, promise, and encouragement over you. May the people in your life (online & real life, strangers & friends) extend tremendous grace to you and cheer you on.
Deb Weaver
thewordweaver.com
Kris, I’m going to print out portions of this comment to add to my blogging folder! This encouraged my heart so much!
My turn!
I’ve been stalking the #influenceconf on Twitter today, and I saw a quote from Haley Morgan that spoke to me about my lack of “doing it right.” ~> Work = Talents & Resources. If we add any other junk to that (pride, status, purpose, money) besides Jesus we end up toiling and striving.
So here’s my double dog dare for you: Write the book. Don’t think about marketing it or making it look pretty or who may or may not read the thing. Just write from the heart the words God gives you. Be faithful to Him in that way. Because someone needs to read them. Let God worry about who those “someones” are….
*mwah*
I think you are brave to share what’s really on your heart, which you do so well every week. While social media is a wonderful thing, it is a “warped measuring stick”, as Kris so eloquently stated. You bring so many gifts and talents to the table and would definitely be sorely missed if you weren’t contributing to this community. I read yesterday that the biggest barrier to acting on our passion is self-criticism. It’s hard to watch others go viral and achieve what appears to be success with their writing. I struggle with that, too. You can do it. Don’t give up.
I for one would really miss Behind The Scenes if you didn’t write that. It’s important. God has used it tremendously in my life and in helping me use my words 🙂 Sometimes the seeds we sow, we just don’t see. And the impact we make, we may not realize. You make a difference.
You are not alone. And now, because I am me, I am going to speak some more truth to you: take the warped measuring stick you’re using to see where you stand and break it into a thousand pieces.
Viral posts, and “big” bloggers and hoards of followers and page views, and all the rest of that mean nothing to God.
Nothing.
No good ever comes when we allow the enemy to batter us with these things. You are enough and you matter because you are HIS. He’s given you tasks that are specifically designed for YOU. Intentionally. On purpose. To accomplish His purposes–in you and through you.
I can say this to you because I love you. Because I’ve been there, (and occasionally think about wandering there again and again) but this is the truth I feel like you need to hear.
Stop. Measuring. Yourself.
You are where you belong, doing what He’s called you to do. Don’t worry about what others think or what they are doing. Just be faithful to the things He’s entrusted to YOU.
I love you. You have my phone number. You know where to find me.
Girl, I read this post and I cried. I am sitting in my bed in the middle of the night crying like a fool. Because you have no idea. I know I’ve said it before but you were one of the very first people to comment on my blog, besides my relatives. You do community and connection like no other. You may be in a season of busyness and you may feel alone and unseen but you are not. You are so desperately needed and loved and cherished and God is using you in community in so many ways. I was wearing whiny pants a few months ago and was humbled to remember that it’s all crap. If I ever forget, please feel free to remind me. It’s a mirage of significance. None of us will know the impact of our words and our life this side of eternity and I don’t care how viral a post goes only God knows what His spirit is doing in people’s hearts. Obedience. Faithfulness. Perseverance. This is the language of the women who get things done. And friend, I know you speak it. I know. I am sorry I hijacked your comments and blathered on but I want you to know, you matter so much to me. SO much.
I so needed to hear this. I am far from viral myself :)..that doesn’t sound good anyways..who wants to be “viral”. I don’t want to carry some infection around with me wherever I go! 😉 . I can relate to what you say here though, and appreciate you sharing the truth of how you really feel at times.
Just so you know, I love your heart. You were one of the first people to welcome me, truly welcome me, into this community, and that means so much. And truth? I’m looking forward to telling you that in person in just FOUR weeks!!! And please write that book…when it’s time and when God is telling you to do it. I’ll read it. 🙂 Thankful for community tonight, and thankful for you, friend!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels lonely in the twitterfacebookpintrestblogging community! And it’s good to know I’m not the only one with a proposal waiting to be launched…into where, or what I’m not sure. Maybe we’re waiting for God to knock us over the head with a viral post, but maybe he’s whispering the go ahead through the comments and tweets and facebook requests. Let me know if you figure it out!
I agree with Missy. You are the exact one that needs to right about community. You were one of the first slide over a little, brush the dust off and invite me to sit on the bench. I will always remember that and thank you for it. You are not only a part of this community but you are the community.
Funny how we are all walking this journey shoulder-to-shoulder feeling invisible yet if we just looked left and right, we’d see each other, struggling and pining. Truth? I yearn for your friendship. But I know you’re busy. I yearn to connect with you. But I know your plate is overflowing. You may not go viral, and the voices may seem so silent… but you, my friend, are loved. You are looked up to. You inspire and you encourage — even when you are silent. Praying He leads you clearly and that you can follow him confidently… and at allume, girl, can I please give you a big hug and let’s share some chocolate, please???? Because I’m there next to you – can you feel my shoulder? It’s there…
I, too, am a rule follower. In fact, you are #29 and I am #32…so I had to comment on 31 and 30 before I could get to you. Oh sister, I SO VERY MUCH get this.
While I have struggled lately with my writing, I have spent many hours reading, commenting, etc. only to find that it is rarely reciprocated. So, I get caught up in the comparison game and miss out. But I am really trying to put on my big girl panties and remember that I don’t have to do it like someone else to be doing what HE wants me to do.
I love you, Crystal, write that book…you are not alone. You are loved and valued. Hugs~
Oh girl! Make room in those whiney-pants! It’s way too easy to get sucked into what you “should” do but make sure those shoulds are coming from God and not other fallible humans. Thank you for being real, because despite the fact that I may or may not be old enough to be your mother, I have a lot of respect for all you’ve done at such a young age.
This is beautiful, and brave. I’m so grateful for your truth, and your honesty. Because I’ve been there, and sometimes I’m still there, and I’m so glad I’m not alone.
Brave and honest, Crystal. No words. Just virtual hugs. Thanks for sharing the real and raw.
Then, it sounds to me like maybe you are The Perfect Person to write that book. Because, friend, there are a ton of us on that bench with you. We are ’bout to bust that bench with our collective selves. Any words you have to share with us about community? I’m. All. Ears! P.S. You are already beautifully equipped – you show us that week in and week out.
Hear Hear! <3 *hug*