A word that God has spoken into my heart frequently over the last several weeks. When all I want to do is run. When the frustration, anger, sadness, fear of change, and confusion set in and my mind says “escape” I pray and God says “stay.”
And I’m upset about it. I want to give up. Give in to the temptation to find an easy way out and claim that it wasn’t my fault. I tried. I did my best. But “they”….
It’s never “they,” though, is it? When you look at the heart of the matter, down deep past the hurts, feeling left out, feeling like your community is crumbling right when you finally figured out that you might belong somewhere – the only person who can make me is stay or flee is me.
But there are these little eyes on me now. The ones that watch like a hawk and twinkle mischeviously at me. The brown eyes might be mine but that twinkle is her daddy’s. And she watches, repeats, mimicks. So I stay. I show her that her mama can overcome and lean on God just a little more that day and be ok when things feel like they’ve gone silent.
So I’m here. Doing the thing. Obeying.