I’m not sure when the decision was first made. Maybe back in elementary school during the dreaded “gymnastics” portion of gym class, where two dozen girls and boys would line up across from one another and have to perform somersaults, backflips, and cartwheels down a padded vinyl mat that stretched for miles. Every eye of your classmates glued to your success or failure.
Give me a book to read, a paper to write, or a desk to clean and I was at the top of my game. But cartwheels? Well – let’s just say that I’m going to be 31 next week and I’ve yet to successfully manage a cartwheel. It’s not in my genetic makeup to have my feet flying over my head while all of my weight is balanced precariously on my hands. Fear took over and nothing I could say to myself on that gymnastics mat could ever convince my body to do what was necessary to achieve success.
And I did talk to myself. Willing myself to do just one more. To try just one more time. And apparently I didn’t talk to myself internally, but whispered pleas aloud that other students heard..and commented on…adding to my embarrassment at failing. I decided that I would avoid humiliation by never attempting anything I wasn’t at least 95% sure I would finish with success.
So I learned to be successful at the things that came naturally to me, but I never learned to fail at the things that took risk. The list of adventures I’ve avoided because my “failure” radar went on full alert is longer than most people’s “bucket lists” and I regret it. I regret the lessons lost, the moments made, the stories to tell. I regret not learning how to fail well, because now? I struggle with this perfectionism issue. The one that layers expectations on my responsibilities; the one that tells me I should just do it right the first time and never need anyone to offer edits; the one that causes my heart to hurt when I’m corrected or rebuked because I don’t know how to fail gracefully and still love the witnesses.
I have failed. I will fail. And through those moments, as God softens my heart and reveals truth to me and tells me that success and failure are real but have no bearing on His love for me, I have a choice to make. I can choose the comfortable path I’ve been on, or I can choose to risk, to keep showing up, to love anyway, and to look at a moment of failure for what it is – a singular moment, not the sum of who God has created me to be. It’s a chance to reach out and invite someone else into my mess, to ask them to use the gifts God has given them to pray for or encourage me. It’s a moment to say to the world “I’m not perfect, and I need your help” – and to humbly acknowledge that none of what I do, whether successful or not, happens without God.
Community is made up of imperfect people who fail and those they invite to come alongside them to share in their journey. Community isn’t just about sharing success stories and accolades – though the cheering & celebrating are essential – but it’s also about choosing to gather humbly over cups of coffee and admit that we’re just…human. Women with messy lives and failures and moments that God uses to make more room in our hearts for Him, as we lean closer into His plan for our lives when we feel weak.
So when I come to the decision to risk or save face, I will risk and ask Jesus to shine through where I’m weakest. And I will encourage my daughter to try and fail and keep trying because failure? It’s just a moment. But what God can teach us in those moments is eternal.
Really love this.
Signed,
The other girl who can’t cartwheel. Or swim. Or rollerskate.
“I learned to be successful at the things that came naturally to me, but I never learned to fail at the things that took risk.”
To be intentional in ENCOURAGING our children to risk failure is wise, wise parenting advice my young friend. Wonderful post.
xo
I’m learning how to fail and not take it so personal. But when it’s a community/heart issue I’m still working on that one. I know in my head that we are each human and messy and we’re going to fail each other, just trying to convince my heart!
Such a great post! I am excited to share it with my children. I have neglected to talk to them about taking the risk of failure. I have spent too much time teaching them to succeed.
The unknown is such scary territory, I think, because of the possibility of future failure. But, we can’t live there, I suppose, in the land of “what-ifs.” Anything worth doing includes the risk of failure. Not easy. No, not easy at all.
Love this, and so needed to read this today! Thanks for the reminder that failure is just a moment and God uses those moments 🙂
just nodding here in agreement. 😉 XO
From one non-cartwheeler to another I love you honesty here. I, too have tried to make sure I only attempt to do what I believe gives me the greatest opportunity at success but I am learning that it is in the failures that He teaches me the most.
YES! This. (to try is worship . . . it’s saying that we trust we’re enough to try . . . it’s trusting our curiosity for something is meaningful.)
Wowsers, Crystal! The line you used for your picture is good… and the last line “because failure? It’s just a moment. But what God can teach us in those moments is eternal.” is equally as good. This post is AMAZING & I fully relate to your struggle with perfectionism!! Thank you so much for sharing! ♥
Thanks Satin! I had a hard time choosing between those two 😉
i love the one you chose… i just love this ENTIRE POST!! i gobbled up each word!! THANK YOU! 🙂
Beautiful words, friend! I love it when God uses close friends to speak truth to my heart.
{{hugs}} love you! Madi would like Aubrey to come play on her new swingset…which isn’t totally up yet 😉
Sweet! She would LOVE to 🙂 We will make that happen soon!
Beautifully written, failure hurts but it does indeed bring moments of growth and you speak of God so closely without hesitation, well done for that. 🙂
Thank you, Jules!
I love your words. I relate to them more than any of the blogs I read. I’m quoting your last line about failure on my fridge for my kids….and myself of course 🙂
Thank you so much, Louanne! What a sweet comment 🙂