Hi! I know I’ve been a little absent from the blog world the last few weeks. Mentally, physically, spiritually, I just needed to rest. And it. was. good.
{grin}
So, welcome to my 200th blog post! Trust me, it’s going to be a good one. While I’ve shared bits and pieces of my life through this blog over the last 199 posts, this one is going to be as personal as I ever get. If I’m honest, I can’t even tell you how this story is going to be told, if I’ll be able to do it justice, or if it will just seem like a super random update on my life for the past 8 months. Lord willing, somewhere along the way, He will be glorified. He’s been there, every step of the way. Even when I didn’t think I wanted Him.
This past Sunday, hubs & I celebrated Mother’s Day. What’s the big deal, you say? Doesn’t everyone celebrate the mothers in their lives that day? Well, yes. But WE celebrated Mother’s Day. As in…y’all…I’m going to be one 🙂 In November (they’re estimating the 19th, give or take). It makes my heart race just to type that for the world to see, after keeping it to ourselves for 13 weeks. God has poured grace upon grace on me throughout the last 3 months, and has shown me how constant & how present He really is over the last 8 months.
Gorgeous flowers from hubs & a sweet “celebration” Willow Tree figurine from a sweet friend
You see, this isn’t the first time I’ve been here. As much as we celebrated on Sunday, our hearts were also heavy knowing that we have a child in heaven that we never got to meet beyond the ultrasound screen. God blessed us with a child last September, shortly after we began trying to conceive. We were so excited, and naively assumed that everything would go well and we would welcome our 1st child on May 21st. That wasn’t God’s plan for us at that time, and somewhere between 9.5 and 12 weeks, I had a miscarriage. I have a blog post saved from that time that is entirely too personal and too painful to share, but trust me when I tell you that it is the most difficult, heart breaking, physically/emotionally/spiritually challenging experience I have ever gone through. And through it all, through the tears and the procedures and the healing, God surrounded us with friends and family who could empathize. They lifted us up, prayed over us, cried with us, and shared their stories with us. We were, and continue to be, blessed.
If I thought we were cautious about telling people the first time, we were even more so this time. We weren’t naive any more. In fact, I miss some of the ignorance I had the first time. It wasn’t until this past Sunday, when we’d officially gotten to a new place in this pregnancy that I hadn’t last time, that I allowed myself to dream and plan. Over the last 3 months I’ve struggled with worry. I felt like if I stopped worrying, something would go wrong. I struggled with joy, afraid that if I started to plan, something would go wrong. I struggled with happiness, not wanting to forget about our first child and afraid that being excited about our 2nd child would mean I’d moved on and forgotten.
God has really been at work in my heart lately, and I know that He has surrounded us with family and friends who share our joy, our happiness, and our worry. He has blessed me with a “textbook” pregnancy thus far and I can only pray that it would continue. I’m a little {ahem} Type A, and it’s taken me awhile to realize that this is one huge area of my life that I can’t control. But I do have peace that celebrating this new life is not forgetting the life we lost. I can remember, and celebrate all the more, knowing how much of a miracle new life really is, and knowing that we’ll get to hold our first child one day. But until then, that little one is safe with our Father.
So you might see some posts in the next few months that include little updates. No gross “TMI” posts, I promise, more like what cute baby things we’re looking at. Like these owls, from I Sew Lucky:
Isn’t the white one super cute? Anyway, this is very new for us, and hubs and I will be figuring it out as we go, with lots of prayer, love from our families, and trust in God. That hasn’t been easy for me to do over the past year, but He promises that He will be with us wherever we go (Joshua 1:9), even – or especially – when where I am is not a place I want to be.
Where I thought He wanted me to be this year was at the Relevant Conference in October. I stayed up late, I snagged an early bird ticket, and now. Um. Lord willing, I will be WAY too pregnant to go by myself to a conference 45 minutes from home. So as much as it saddens me to miss out on meeting Gussy, Cole, Sarah Mae, the (in)courage ladies, and everyone else, I’m hoping that my ticket will bless someone (one of the 100 on the waiting list!) who needs to be there. Praying that God would work in life changing ways in her life that weekend. And I hope she eats lots of chocolate for me 🙂
How was that for a milestone post? {wink}
LOVE THIS! Especially reading it now, knowing what we will be doing in 8 DAYS!
Congratsulations. I have been there with miscarriage too. Five years ago this coming weekend. It was our first and we now have three others and I am sure their older sibling does a great job watching out for them from heaven. Will be praying for you!
I’ll miss ya! But, yes, I will keep you updated. Too bad there wasn’t a way to meet up w/ you. Thank you for your prayers. I’ll be praying for you too!!!
{hug} so sorry you had to go through that 🙁 congrats to you guys, praying it all goes well for you!
Thanks Christine! Glad someone will be thinking of me & eating some chocolate in my absence 😉 I have faith that you’ll do an amazing job! hehe…hopefully I’ll get to see you next year!
Thanks Gary 🙂
Congratulations Crystal. Blessings.
Congrats!!!! How wonderfully exciting for you both! I’ll miss meeting you THIS time, but hopefully someday it will be possible. I’ll eat extra chocolate for you too, along with Katie. LOL
Oh sweet heart, congratulations! I am in a VERY similar boat – we lost our first babe last July, and are now due in December. Merry Christmas indeed! I hope we can get to know each other better through our stories, and I will be praying for you. And I’ll miss you at Relevant!
anna <><
http://www.girlwithblog.com
Congratulations! What a beautiful post! Miscarriage is so hard – it is one thing I have never been able to write about, although I have been there. I can’ t wait to read the updates about all the cute baby stuff. I will be praying for you that will find joy in each new day and that you will trust the Lord to bring this child into our arms! Blessings to you, my friend.
Congrats!!!
…and if you are looking for a buyer for your Relevant ticket- I am looking for one to buy!!!
You can email me from my site: http://www.livingdevotionally.com (the “contact” page) or DM me on Twitter. Thanks!
Aw thank you so much 🙂
Thanks Cole 🙂 I expect you to email me Relevant updates, photos, etc. so I feel like I’m still there – I know you’ll have a fabulous time, and I’ll be praying for you! God is so good 🙂
CoNGratUlationS!!! {squeal} I am so, so, so happy for you friend!! I will keep you and baby Stine in my prayers!! I will miss you at Relevant, but I know that someday soon we will meet. I got your email, but hadn’t had time yet to respond (end of the year, last day of school today). I so wish I could give you a hug right now. God is good! Blessings, Cole
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! i know we’ve never actually met but i am just so stinkin’ happy for you! i’ve never been through what you’ve been through, and it breaks my heart all the angel babies that are in Heaven right now. i had a friend find out just last week that she miscarried right about 11 or 12 weeks. so so sad. but look how God has brought rejoicing from your tears! congratulations y’all!!! what a great reason not to go to relevant 🙂
What amazing news!! I am thrilled for you!! A friend of mine just found out she’s pregnant, she had been trying for over a year – what a great week for pregnancy announcements!! Did I mention how happy I am for you!! THRILLED!!