Those empty chairs would soon be filled with some of the most impressive people I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. Mothers, fathers, married, single. Dreamers, do-ers, world-changers, entrepreneurs, visionaries, encouragers, and artists. All coming in from the bitter cold to break bread and fellowship over New Orleans style food somewhere in the middle of Arkansas.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more out of place and insecure.
I’m not sure what’s happened to my confidence. Scratch that. I know exactly what happened. I guess I don’t know why I haven’t been able to get it back. To believe that I belong where I’ve been invited. At what point in a journey of humbling before God do the insecurities fade away and confidence in who I am in God returns? After quite a bit of time in the valley, I feel as though I’m starting to see God setting my foot on solid ground again. But that other foot? It likes to live in the squishy, unstable past. The one where any small slip up will be the end of a dream. Where I’m only part of the team as long as I’m useful.
I’m at a hard part in this journey, and I share because I don’t want you to see these pictures online and feel envy. As neat and sparkly as it might look from the outside, it’s not the whole story. As nice as it was to meet new people and practice my sadly lacking small talk skills (sad, y’all. sad.), I craved the comfort zone of home. It’s all part of the journey God has me on – on that continues to shape my heart to reflect more of Him and less of me.Β
Less of me means taking me out of my comfort zone.
More of Him means putting down the phone to look someone in the eye and ask about their recent trip to Thailand.
Less of me means smiling and eating a little more dessert when I’d rather be in yoga pants.
More of Him means putting myself out there to chat one-on-one with someone I admire, ignoring the feeling that they would rather talk to someone else.
It’s not an easy path, but even with one foot still feeling stuck in the squish, I’d keep choosing it. Because that one foot inching toward solid ground? The one that has seen the blessing? Oh that one makes it worth it.
***
As much as I love this link up, I’m wondering if it’s time for something new? Do I keep up with “behind the scenes” or do we start something new? Maybe we only link up once a month? What are your thoughts, friends? I’d love to hear them!
Β [inlinkz_linkup id=366076]
Oh, I live in that place of wishing I could believe I belong where I was invited… You are such a beautiful person inside and out! Praying that the Lord will continue to lead and encourage you.
That was a good time, friend.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciated chatting with you π Thanks for making me feel welcome.
I have not linked up lately, but I love your words and your honesty. The enemy will get us to question in one way or the other so if you are in the season that you know God is with you in all circumstances, you are in a beautiful season no matter what table you are eating at, Friend! XO
Ah, you can’t know how true those words ring, girl. Thank you for that perspective!
Friend… you need to do what is right for you and this space. Link up or no link up you bless the socks off many people friend and this little corner has filled lives that needed filling – I know that I come here because I need your beautiful story in only the way that you know how to tell it… God uses you friend don’t every doubt it… He USES you!
The very affirmation I need today – God uses YOU, friend. Grateful for you π
I really enjoy your link up. I’m a subscriber, so even when I don’t link up I read your post and often click over to read several other posts as well. I’ve felt a bit of conviction when starting the new year.
I LOVE link ups, not only because it exposes bloggers to more traffic, but it also connects us to some really great writers and more importantly, beautiful hearts. However, In the past I’ve geared my writing towards different link ups just so that I would be able to participate. And, that is where the conviction crept in.
Starting the new year I decided I would only write what God was prompting me to write and not worry about link ups, traffic, or even meeting new people. (sniffle) If my post fits in with a link up, then I will participate. If not, I just read the link ups I enjoy and trust God is giving me a theme for my own online space. (I don’t even participate in the FMF party any more. It was taking away from time with my husband. He didn’t mind, but I did.) My focus has really changed for 2014. Brave is my one word. And I’ve learned it’s brave to give up worrying about traffic…
Anyway, I say all this to say, “I will miss your link up!” But you need to do what God is telling you to do and go the direction He has ordained for your path. Sorry for my book of a comment!
Have a beautiful Tuesday, friend!
I find it so beautiful that you’re listening closely to God’s desire for where and how and when you use your words online. It’s so easy to want to say “yes” to all the link up opportunities, but one thing a very sweet friend asked me last year was “when people come to your blog, what do they expect to find?”….when I filter my online participation through that filter, it becomes much clearer where I want to join, where I want to guest post, and where I just want to read & enjoy the lovely words of others π
I love how honest you are about insecurities. “To believe that I belong where Iβve been invited.” How many of us just stood up and yelled, “Yes, me too!” I too live in the present of , I belong because I have been invited, and the drop-foot still dragging in the past. Thank you for opening your heart today.
{{hug}}…thank you for these words..and for you sweet prayers over me today π
Since I’ve just discovered this linkup today, I’m glad you’ve decided to keep (some form) of it! Not sure if I’ll be able to get one up today (I’ll try)…but I’ll be watching for the next one. π
Oh yay! I’ll be sure to post next Tuesday about what the plan is, so everyone can prepare – but please link up any time this week if you’d like! I’d love to have you join us π
Crystal, I think change is good! I haven’t linked up here in quite a while but have visited often to read. Your link up doesn’t start until Feb 3rd for today. You do what works for you!!
lol so much winning with this post π linky fixed!
It is a great post! Your words are true for my life and many others. It’s hard to move outside ourselves when we want the comforts of home or wherever we feel safe. Thank you for sharing the hard places God is taking you through, it’s a great example of how we can all move forward without looking back…even though we want to. xoxo
Monthly seems like a good idea. π I tried linking up this morning, but looks like the linky isn’t set to go live until Feb. 3 … π
Woops. Sorry about that! All set now π
Oh, Crystal, I love your honesty. I rarely link up, but I love reading the posts behind the pictures. Do what feels right for you…I eagerly wait to hear what you decide.
They are pretty awesome, aren’t they? I’d miss them..I think that’s a good sign to keep it going, maybe just a little revised?
I love linking up here, too…I’d miss it, but I’m curious if there are other ideas you have. π I hope you’re doing well, my friend…sending a hug and hoping I can give you a real one soon! You are such a sweet blessing. xo
Aw thanks Mel! Can’t wait for that hug π
I love linking up each week, but if it is getting to be too much for you, scale back to once a month. Whatever you do, please don’t stop it completely.
You’re sweet, thank you LeeLee!