I sent a friend a Voxer message one night to check in and see how she was feeling about an upcoming trip. I quickly typed out a message and hit “send.” You see, I’m trying to be better this year about reaching out to friends when they come to mind, to let them know I’m thinking about them, without expecting anything in return. I want to hear about them and what God is doing so I can pray and cheer and laugh and walk through it all with them.
We need to be friends who reach out.
We all long for those friends, women who will pick up the phone and call us to ask about our day. We want mentors {still looking for one}, we want friends who will take time to ask about our projects and cheer for us. And we sit and wait and wonder why no one is doing it and – you know what I realized?
I need to be the friend someone else is waiting for.
Because when I take time to invest in someone else’s life and consider them and their story more important than my own, God does this amazing thing by blessing me in return. That Voxer conversation that was supposed to be about my friend? It turned into the most beautiful series of questions and life affirming truth – about me, and what God was doing in MY life.
Maybe you’re like me and you have trouble with small talk. I never know what to say, I never know what questions to ask, and I usually end up complimenting their shoes or their earrings and skipping the real conversations I’d love to have. Since so many of us have set New Years resolutions or chosen “one word” for 2015, I thought I’d share a few of the questions I was asked that still have me thinking and praying, a few weeks later, in case you can use any of them the next time you check in with a friend.
- How are you today?
- What’s your one word?
- What is God telling you these days?
- How is it related to your one word?
- How do you feel about blogging?
- Where do you WANT to focus?
- How often do you want to write?
The questions we need to ask don’t need to be long or deep or fancy. They just need to be honest and from a heart that is willing to truly listen to the answer. It’s about knowing your friend, what her passions are, and asking God to show you the best way to pour love and encouragement into her life.
And to be honest? I had a hard time answering some of those questions. I’m still very much trying to listen to what God is telling me, and doing my best to simply obey when I get a small glimpse of His plan. I know I want to write in a way that feels like I’m out for coffee with each of you, with words that encourage and inspire you – and remind me – to lay down the insecurities and fears and find freedom in living a life that has God at the center.
Today, instead of waiting around for someone to reach out to us, will you join me? If God brings a friend to mind, will you be the one to reach out? Send a Voxer, an email, a Facebook message, or pick up the phone.
Take two minutes to say “I was thinking about you today” and, with a heart ready to hear and love – not compare – find out what God has been doing in their life.
Crystal this topic is on the minds of so many women. Although somehow I always tend to feel alone, like I’m the only one looking for the friendship or mentorship.
How are you today? Today, I’m hanging in there and leaning on God a lot.
What’s your one word? Hope. Jeremiah 29:11
What is God telling you these days? He’s telling me to focus on him more, to let go of trying to be in control.
How is it related to your one word? The my hope for this year needs to be focused on being closer to him, which will lead me wherever he wants me to be. I keep repeating, My hope is in Him!
How do you feel about blogging? Eh. I like to think of it as writing. I love reading others who inspire or help guide me.
Where do you WANT to focus? On being more connected to people.
How often do you want to write? Whenever I feel led to.
Hope this helped. 🙂
Your mention of trouble with small talk reminded me of a story about my mom. She was the most shy person ever, so she planted herself at the front door of her high school and forced herself to be the greeter every day. The result? Now she will talk to *anyone. It’s even embarrassing sometimes. 😉 The cashier? Yes. The server? Yes. The garbage man? Yes.
She taught me the acronym FORM to get conversations going. Ask the person questions about their family, occupation, recreation, and ministry (or marriage) (or miscellaneous – ha!) It’s the back up plan in case I panic. 😉 Thanks for the post, Crystal. 🙂
Love this, love you. Thanks for being this kind of friend to me.
Crystal, you really hit the nail on the head. Community needs to be intentional and not virtual. It takes questions to foster those relationships, otherwise we stay in our shells and suffer in silence. I hope your year of intentionality is a blessing!
Thank you for sharing in this week’s High Calling linkup!
Crystal, this is just a beautiful message full of love and encouragement. I hopped on Voxer recently and so love it. I could relate to what you said about not being good with small talk. That’s me! Love the questions you shared. I started off the year with a goal of asking God to reveal to me each week one friend to spend time encouraging. This reminds me to get back at it. We need to keep encouraging one another. Blessings to you.
Yup! you are so one of those people that I need to be more intentional about checking in with regularly. I feel like a communication line just snapped and it’s such a shame. I’m thinking some voxer or hangout time is definitely in order. Miss you and miss working together. 🙂
You are SO this kind of friend! I have learned so much from you, Crystal. How you reach out when you feel led to. You are a welcome breath of fresh air. I cherish you!
One of these days we’ll grab coffee and chat in person for a long time about all of these questions and more 🙂
Praying for you as you consider these questions… 😉 Your messages while I was away were so kind. A welcome grace each day. XO
You’re the reason this post exists, Kris. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better friend.
Why is Ohio so far from Pennsylvania?! WHY???
I love you.
Um…it’s really not. Just the parts where we live happen to be the furthest part. Maybe we could meet half way some time for a girls weekend 🙂