I’ve always loved words. When I was little I would escape for hours into a good book. I learned to write well by reading great authors, and one of the few defining moments of my middle school years happened when my Language Arts teacher invited me to join the school newspaper.
But the words that used to flow so easily have disappeared lately. Maybe it’s because blogging used to be my creative outlet after working a full day as a bank teller – and now I spend all day writing words and sharing words and being online for my job. It’s no longer a creative outlet for my brain but another item on my work “to do list.”
Or maybe it’s because God and I have some stuff to work out about this love of words He gave me. Because I feel like He wants me to use them for Him, but all my attempts to pursue the “next steps” of writing or speaking have led to more rejection and more humbling. And maybe I’m a little mad and a lot sad about it.
So I’ve disappeared from this space for awhile, with just a “Friday Favorites” or giveaway post when I have a commitment to share something, but nothing has really come from my heart. I’m not inspired by the same things anymore. Hearing a great sermon at church leads to a great Instagram post, not an extensive blog post. I feel pretty empty right now, and not just when it comes to writing.
Facebook likes to remind me every morning of all the things I’ve done “on this day” since I joined – which, since I’m an early adopter and totally joined Facebook back when it was still just for college students, is a LOT of time. Most of the memories are sweet and lovely reminders. Some make me wonder what in the world I was doing and why I would post THAT. And others make me realize how far I’ve stepped away from things I used to love to do.
- Volunteer with youth group
- Attend local events
- Help with friend’s blog posts
- Work as a VA
- Participate in link-ups
- Writing because I loved it, not because I had to stick to a plan
- Record podcasts with friends
- Share other people’s posts just because I liked them, not because I felt obligated
- Speak at conferences
Some of those things were for a season and they were wonderful, but the time for them has passed. Some of those things I’ve given up on because of my own insecurities and fears. But unfortunately all of them have taken me out of the communities I used to love. And that feels empty, too.
To be honest, I don’t know when I’ll write here again. I do have a lovely planner to review & promote so you might see that on here this week. But maybe this summer I need to get back to where it all started – learning to write well by reading great authors. Spending time at the library with my kiddo and filling back up on experiences. Not worrying about the identity or niche or focus of this space but writing to be faithful when God asks me to – because after all this time, if God hasn’t grown my blog to be a “big deal” I kind of doubt that He’s going to start now, so why try to fit into a box to get to that place?
Although the words might be scarce around here, I’d still love to hang out with you on Instagram – it’s my happy place. And hopefully you’ll stick around to see what happens next, whenever that might be.