I travel this weekend to go to a place that holds my heart so tightly it almost hurts. And instead of being excited, I’m anxious. Do I really belong on this trip, in this place, with women and a team that I admire so much? What if they meet me in real life and it’s not the same? What if I don’t impress or live up to their expectations?
This trip, these people, this company? God has opened doors with them but he has also closed some big ones that make me feel like I’m not supposed to belong right now (or ever?) and that hurts in some giant sized ways.
If I’m honest, this struggle with belonging is something that happens to me a lot in community, especially when I feel like I’m trying to break into the “cool kids” club. The enemy whispers sweet nothings softly in my ear: you’re not good enough, you’re not creative enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not enough…otherwise they would have opened the door to your dream without a second thought. Someone else deserves this, but not you.
Those whispers? They’re nothing alright, but they aren’t sweet. Am I insecure about how I belong on this trip and where I fit in with this beautiful group? Without a doubt. Do I trust that God has a reason for orchestrating it so that I would be able to go? Again, without a doubt.
If you think of it this weekend, would you say a little prayer? Prayers for safe travel as I join with some amazing, wonderful, talented, inspiring, “cool kids” at Dayspring to brainstorm, plan & present? Pray for peace as I leave hubs & the kiddo for a few days, and prayers that I would remember that my confidence comes from the Lord, not my own abilities. In Christ, I belong. And for this trip, my heart will just need to focus on that truth.
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