A Bad Case of the “I Wants”

We’re in the thick of the season of parenting that has suddenly given us a “threenager.” {Don’t you just love that phrase? It describes that three-going-on-thirteen emotional chaos so well.} Along with the fun of having a kiddo who loves to create and make art, learn to do things on her own, and who is developing a very loving and encouraging heart, we’re also dealing with a bad case of the “I wants.”

It started before her third birthday when every trip to the store would result in a running commentary on the list of toys she didn’t already have that she just knew she wanted as a birthday gift. Or a snack she had to have. Or wanting someone to play with her RIGHT THEN.

After her birthday came the long list of toys (No, you don’t need every toy in Target. Why? You don’t have all of those because no child should have ownership of an entire toy department. Ever.) for Christmas. After Christmas it was a list of things she wanted to get that she didn’t get for Christmas. And on, and on, and on.

The “I wants” are bad around here, y’all. 

But she’s not the only one suffering through a case of them.

My sneakers were laced up today and I was ready to take on whatever Alisa was bringing in her new Revelation Wellness workout. I did a warm up and chose one called “Declare.” Fitting, since this announcement also went out today.

There was jumping. There was sweating. There were push-ups and there – in the middle of it all – was a call to go to God and ask Him what He had to say about what was on my heart. 

• God, I want to speak.
• God, I want to write a book.
• God, I want to be significant.
• God, I want to be included.
• God, I want to be known.

I kept moving. I did jumping jacks and sumo squats. I did bridges and toe kicks. I moved because even in my battle of the “I wants” I know that this is the only body God has given me, and if He ever says “yes” to any of my dreams I need to be ready. I want to be around and be healthy long enough for that to happen. But it was my heart that was getting the workout.

Near the end of the workout I spoke these things loudly to God.

• God, I want what YOU want for me.
• God, I want to write for YOU.
• God, I want to speak for YOU.
• God, I want women to find freedom in YOU.
• God, I want to be free and stay free and do nothing until YOU say I’m ready.
• God, don’t let me have the opportunity until YOU know I can handle it.

I was sweaty. I was teary. It was messy but it was real. My “I wants” became “whatever God wants” and I paced around my living room feeling more free than I had in weeks. And God whispered to me that I needed to stop comparing my training ground to someone else’s highlight reel. He’s not done with me yet. It’s only the beginning.