I sat down at the beautifully decorated table at a local church, ready to go. I was there to worship, to hear what I knew would be a good word from Beth Moore. She never fails to bring one, and I was ready to hear one. As the music started on the large screens in the front of the all purpose room and the simulcast kicked-off, I whispered a quick prayer.
God, give me an affirmation to move forward with the project you know is on my heart.
I sang my heart out, took page after page of notes, at more cinnamon crunch Panera bagel than my scale would prefer, and fellowshipped with a sweet friend that I don’t get to see often enough. I thought I was getting what God had for me.
“You do not have to wait to start walking in your calling” and “If our calling does not stretch our faith we have not stepped out into the fullness of our calling.” – Beth Moore
Ok, Lord. I receive that.
“You are woman enough!” – Beth Moore
I hear you, Jesus. I claim that identity.
“Jesus changes the story of every woman He meets. Jesus is writing a great story.” – Beth Moore
Amen. That’s some truth.
“Ask God to trade hyper-sensitivity for sensitivity of the Spirit.” – Beth Moore
Oh. Hold up.
In the last session of the day everything I thought I was there to hear was shaken and flipped inside out. I went with a heart willing to receive a confirming message about a project I wanted to work on, the direction of my blog, affirmation for my calling. And then God decided that what I really needed was a lesson on friendship.
Because I’m a community builder who is pretty darned bad at sticking with friendships in the thick of it. And that project I wanted confirmation on? Well. It can’t happen if I don’t address some really hard things that God brought up that Saturday afternoon. I desperately wanted to apply Beth Moore’s lesson to someone else I knew.
Oh – yes. She totally needs to work on that. She is WAY too sensitive and selfish. Oh and SHE should definitely get a copy of this message because that part about “fight FOR one another, not with one another” could really be good for her.
Except I was the one who needed it. It was my name stamped across this message. God knew my heart needed to hear things like:
“The nature of joy is for it to be shared.” – Beth Moore
“Cheering FOR meets an ego need. Cheering WITH meets an emotional need.” – Beth Moore
“Competition and comparison are rooted in the fertile soil of insecurity.” – Beth Moore
It wasn’t at all what I was looking for when I sat down with a very large pumpkin spice latte at the beginning of the day. But God knew right where my heart was wandering. God knew I was desperate to be a woman found – not just a woman patted on the back with a kind word and a thumbs up for my own agenda. God knew that my story is still being written, and that I desperately need Jesus to continue working in my heart, in my mess, so that my story can be transformed for His glory.
Not what I wanted, but what I needed.