There are some days that leave you in tears on your drive home, scratching your head and wondering “why”? Maybe “why not me” or “why them” or “why did they think that was an appropriate way to do that”? Today was one of those days.
I’ve been trying to find a way to balance fighting/standing up for myself at work, and being humble. Today it was impossible. After being asked to plan a meeting for the officers of the bank, and being put on a committee made up of all male officers and two other women who were not officers, I poured time, effort, creativity, and anxiety into it only to be slapped in the face. The supervisors of the two non-officer women PROMOTED THEM DURING THE MEETING! What? Why? Why was I left to be embarrassed, sitting by myself at a meeting full of officers as the only non-officer in the room? Have I not been working extra hours? Volunteering? Sucking up to people I don’t even particularly like?
Unfair. Why didn’t my boss THINK that maybe I would be hurt by this? I know I’m acting slightly childish (the temptation to lay down and kick and scream isn’t really helping that perception), but this is hard for me.
Tired of fighting. Tired of being so emotionally attached to my job. Tired of being overlooked and asked to help reward others. Tired of being stretched by God and not knowing why. Just tired.