Chasing Joy

I’ve been feeling weary for awhile now. Not just tired, but soul weary. The kind that takes away your inspiration and motivation, the kind that comes from too many hours spent watching what everyone else is doing when I should be off doing my own thing. I watch ebooks release, book deals made, DIY projects completed, and collaborations created in 140 characters or less and I want to be doing all of it. My hearts wants to be wanted and the need is draining.

I’ve forgotten that God had given me a nudge earlier this year to chase what brings me joy. I’ve said it to women as I’ve explained why I do certain things online. I don’t have a Facebook page for my blog because it doesn’t bring me joy. I block spam followers on Twitter because it doesn’t bring me joy (and I think it adds a false sense of size when fake accounts are included in my numbers and I’m all about authentic). I don’t have a set posting schedule or editing process because those confines don’t bring me joy.

I’ve said no to opportunities because they make my heart feel stress, not joy.

I’ve said yes to others because my mind immediately starts running 100 miles an hour with ideas and it lights up my heart.

When I ask God if I’m supposed to do something, He doesn’t tell me just to choose joy. He gives me freedom to chase it. To go after the things that bring Him glory and use my gifts to their maximum potential. When I’m running THAT race? There is energy, not weariness. But when I find myself lagging, dreading the next step, uninspired to put words on paper or follow through with an idea? I’m learning to check my motivations – and consider who’s race I’m running.

Because when I’m chasing joy and going after the best of what God has for me, I’m not going to be jealous of what you’re doing. When we can settle into the freedom of doing what God has called us to do, and not worrying about the other hundred steps-to-get-ahead that seem to work for everyone else, we’ll find our place.

It doesn’t mean the desire of my heart to be wanted goes away. We all want to be wanted. We all want to be chosen, to be asked, to be invited, to feel special. But, as a dear friend reminded me, we are all special because God made us that way. And when we chase what brings us joy and run our race with abandon, some of what the rest of the world is doing falls away and we can remember that God delights in us. He chose us, invited us, and equips us with everything we need to do our thing, for His glory.

470 words later and I’m still weary. A blog post doesn’t fix anything immediately. But maybe you’ll join me? This season, as expectations and projects and year-end reviews and plans for the new year bombard our minds, will you chase joy with me?

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