When you attend a conference about wild obedience, you should probably be prepared for God to blow your mind.
I wasn’t prepared.
He totally did it anyway.
I could give you a recap of the keynote speakers, the sessions, the 3 hour lab I taught or my session on community building but you’ll be able to find those anywhere and I don’t think I can write about them in a way that inspires you. I want to tell you what God did in my heart this weekend.
He drew me close and affirmed that He’s not done with me yet. I’ve been struggling with this feeling recently that maybe..just maybe…God had answered my one BIG prayer request and now? It was just up to me to not mess it all up and He could move on to someone else.
That’s not how God works. And He gave me a vision this weekend that chipped away at the insecurities that had been building a wall in my heart. I asked Him to show me how He feels about me and in my mind I saw how my little girl runs to me and clings around my neck with all the love her heart can hold. In my own heart I felt an overflow of compassion, grace, and love. The fear I felt that God was stepping away from me, holding me at arms length, finished with me, ready to move on to someone else? Gone. And while I could have processed that vision on my own and maybe understood it’s impact, God didn’t have that planned for me, either. He put Lara in my path, to listen in the way that she does with such gentle encouragement. She gave me space to speak this vision aloud and wasn’t afraid of the tears that came with it. This weekend, wild obedience looked like a friend who stopped to listen.
I’d be lying if I stopped there and let you assume that was the only moment. To be honest, I spent the entire weekend on the verge of tears, the kind that grip me from the inside out when I feel the presence of God. I know I’ve written about wanting more “un-fine” in my life, and this weekend, God showed me what can happen when I follow through with that desire.
Though I was nervous about teaching a 3 hour lab, I was downright terrified about my session. I love speaking and teaching and encouraging and equipping – but as much as I can easily call myself a writer, I doubt my speaking abilities. I know God is calling me to be a communicator, but it doesn’t all come easily to me. What if no one showed up? What if women DID show up? Oh and sure, why not have a sense of humor God, as you schedule it during the last session of the last day (aka THE ONE I ALWAYS SKIP).
Twice. Twice He brought women into my path to ask me how I was doing. And twice I said “I don’t know if I can do this.” And twice they laid hands on me and prayed me straight through my session. Kat, Kristen, Erin, Elisa – women I admire with my whole heart because they ARE the real deal. The type of women I want to be around online. The women, writers, speakers, mamas, friends that I imagine in my head when I’m writing to “her” on this blog. This weekend, wild obedience looked like friends who prayed.
And then. Oh the “and then” of this weekend could go on forever. I could never have expected God to affirm another quiet little dream of mine while I was there – especially through a 6 am workout. Before the sun rose. EARLY. But I’ve felt this nudge toward pursuing an instructor training and after a workout that left me literally on the floor, face down on that scratchy hotel carpet, hands open to God, weeping – I knew. And after a quick chat with Alisa, who looked me straight in the eye and said “Yes. You will do this.” – I believed. This weekend, wild obedience looked like saying “yes” without knowing all the answers.
I’m exhausted but excited.
Love the images in this post? Me, too! They were designed by the amazing team at (in)courage and I’m delighted to offer them as my gift to you when you subscribe to my blog. 31 of them, to be precise. A full month of “Praying for your Community” encouragement cards to keep with you, to remind you to pray for the community you’re in and the community you’re building. If you already subscribe I’ll be sending them out to you soon, but if you’re new here, I’d love to invite you to sign up here!