I woke up this morning with something heavy on my heart. An issue that has been weighing me down for several months and after rocking the little one back to sleep, it kept me awake. For a mama who desperately needs sleep and is so very tired of being tired, it’s the last thing I needed.
God is walking me through a difficult path this Lenten season. My heart aches to simply rest. Rest in Him. To give it all over to the One who knows how it all plays out in the end. I want to stop asking why. I want to be blind to personal injustices and stop feeling like I have to fight for the underdog – especially when I’m the underdog.
The things I’m praying so desperately for – open doors, opportunities, to be a better mom and wife, the next steps for my God Sized Dreams – I want to stop feeling like I’m begging for them to be answered and just trust that God hears. He knows. He already has an answer and I just need to stop trying to work it out for my good and let Him work it out for His.
I’m not sure why I’m writing these words this morning except to share that I’m not perfect. I love my social media family and I adore that you call me a “ninja” and think I have anything worthwhile to say. But there are days when even this encourager needs someone to lean on, someone to meet for coffee who won’t mind a few tears falling here & there, someone to pray into & over my circumstances.
The work you do to pour into others does not go unnoticed. If you’re like me, it is pure joy and the chance to spend a day doing what you love, what God created you for, is a dream come true. But we don’t have to be perfect to do it. And I’m realizing that to go through the fires of God’s refinement, I can’t be perfect when I come to His feet. Perfect doesn’t get any better than what it is. So I come humbly, broken, tender before the Father, with the hard edges of my heart softened and ready to be transformed into gold. I kneel low, knowing that to be fully in the presence of God is to be wonderfully small and I embrace the sifting.
I have bad days. Tough seasons. Disappointment and struggle and days where I would rather just climb back under the covers and hide from the world where no one can judge me. But I believe that God is for me. And I climb out of bed and sink into His word and pray that my questions would be simply hushed by the love He has for me.
I’m not perfect. But I love a God who is.