I had blogged for years, but one wintery day, I decided to get serious about writing instead of it just being a hobby. I designed a new website and started penning a book.
Soon I was writing all hours of the night. I felt invigorated. My husband commented on my pleasant demeanor (as one who scores high in the melancholy department, this newfound joy was a welcome change).
But soon, the work started to take over and I couldn’t seem to stop.
I used to criticize those who were workaholics—especially those in ministry. How could they neglect their families for the sake of their work? But about a year into my work-from-home job, I realized that I had become one of them.
My desire to “arrive” as a writer seemed just out of reach, so I kept trying harder and working longer. Since creative projects energized me, I had a difficult time stopping to tend to the needs of others. I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I was irritable to my family.
From this place of unrest, I asked God for direction. If this book writing was just to stoke my ego, I needed to know that. But if there was a greater purpose, I needed to know that too.
An excerpt from Isaiah 61:1b (NIV) came to mind:
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”
Then He impressed upon me” ”and I am going to start with you.”
God wanted to address broken places in my heart and then use that message to do the same for others. One of the broken places was my motivation for work…striving in order to be approved. I worked to earn things, like love, acceptance, and worthiness.
For years I hustled to try and be holy instead of realizing that through Christ, I already was holy. Because of Jesus’s finished work on the cross and my belief in Him, I was already loved, accepted, and worthy—not because I worked hard but because He did the hardest work of all time (dying for my sins, so that I could be forgiven and restored to the Father).
Yes, working hard can be a beautiful expression of our love for Jesus. But we don’t have to work hard in order to earn that which we already have through Him.
I am created to be a doer. For years I thought there was something wrong with that. I like creative work and God is not surprised by that—He made me that way, on purpose.
But I need to regularly evaluate why I am working. Am I striving to be noticed, to be applauded, to be admired…or I am serving Christ because I am responding to His love and thankful for it?
There is nothing wrong with working hard! But let’s ask ourselves why:
- Is it to gain something or to give something?
- Is it to prove something or to pour out something?
- Is it to earn something or to offer something?
I don’t want to be a workaholic anymore. A workaholic is a slave to the task and insecure as she marches to the beat of a tyrannical master. I want to be a hard worker who is secure in her position as a beloved daughter. A daughter who delights in serving her Good Father because she belongs to Him.
When we receive the love that is already ours, we learn to work from a healthy place.
We discover holy hustle as we first embrace the holy that is given to us as a gift from the Holy One Himself. Then we work hard as a response to His love not in an effort to be loved.
With this seismic shift in thinking—from striving to responding—comes freedom for captives (starting with us).
a guest post by Katie Reid
Great post, Crystal! A message much needed by me and often! I like what Linda Dillow has said on this topic that goes a bit further, though: “I want to be a worshipper who serves rather than a servant who worships.”
I love that quote, Debbie!
I admit wanting to be a writer to gain something. I wanted to work from one of those cottages or beach houses in seclusion. But I always knew it was a gift, and while it may not have come to fruition or full circle, I do have a pure motivation that He gets the glory. He has restored that desire and is renewing me everyday health wise and while I used to run and over work, I know it’s okay to rest in Him.
Thank you for sharing that- may we write for His glory, 🙂
Oh Katie my heart so understands this. The three bullet points nailed it for me. In fact, I just sort of wrote something similar in yesterday’s post. I am a doer, creative too. As much as I love people I also need my personal space or I get overwhelmed (which I get myself into a lot because I want to “do” for others and have a hard time saying no). So I find myself a lot in this striving. It starts out good but goes awry. I constantly have to stop an reevaluate my motives and plead for heart help. I would love to include this (link to it or something) in a post I am working on if that is okay? You and Crystal (and many others I am sure) seem to be writing about an issue I have needed wisdom on for a while. I tend to write through my struggles, but I am okay with it LOL. Love you and your heart, Katie. Thanks for letting her share here, Crystal!
Hi Meghan! Thank you for sharing your heart here. I’m totally fine with you linking to this post here. May it help many of us as we learn to work from a place of peace—knowing that we are already accepted and so dearly loved.
Yes, we need to receive from God and not try and earn from God. Great reminder. This was and a conversation my son and I were having in the car last night about other religions where you have to do this and that and earn God’s favor and love. But in Christianity, we have nothing to give and can’t earn God’s love and favor, we just need to receive.
Yes and Amen, Theresa! I feel like I was late getting the “grace memo”. But so glad I got it! Great conversation with your son. Thanks for sharing!
It’s such a balance isn’t it? Being brave and following God but not going ahead on our own. I think you nailed it: striving or serving? Good words, Katie!
Thank you dear Lisa! A work in progress for sure, but so thankful that He has finished the work that matters. 🙂 Happy Tuesday to you!