It’s the first Friday of 2014, which means it’s time for another wonderful link-up with Lisa-Jo Baker and the Five Minute Friday crew. If you’re new to this community, the assignment is simple. Write, for five minutes. No editing, no fluffing, no second-guessing. Then we link up, share our stories, and leave each other comments. It’s one of my favorite communities, and we’d love for you to join us!
There are days when the needing and pulling and desperation of it all have my skin crawling, like I can’t stand to be..me…anymore, and I’m looking for a fight. Someone to yell at, argue with – a vessel for the pent up energy that makes me wish I were a runner so that I would have a reason to..flee. It’s not fight or flight. Sometimes it’s “and.”
I never knew it would happen more strongly when I became a mother. Maybe it’s because the fight in me is driven by my desire for justice, or maybe it’s the spunky black-Irish side of my family tree that has dug roots down so deep that I can never escape it. There were times in college where I would end up protecting my friends in rowdy, crowded venues when they or someone around them took offense to something. But the fight to keep friends safe is no match to what bubbles up when my toddler pushes my buttons just one too many times. The button labeled “disobedience.” Or “disrespect.” Or “whining.”
I fight it. I fight the fight. Because while my skin crawls and my hands itch and my ears ring, my heart sees. Somewhere beyond my selfishness I see it. The frustration, the testing, the learning, the growing. How it’s all part of how little ones learn and the one thing I want her to learn is to fight for her family, but not to fight with her family. I want to give her a family worth fighting for, one that stays and doesn’t run when skin burns and tempers flare.